So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
