my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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