It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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