Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
It's shark week go big or go home
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
