In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
