If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
His nipple licking is glorious
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