FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Randomize
