Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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