Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
