oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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