Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
