Swine flu. Run for my life!
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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