Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
