i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
he told me I talked like a deaf person
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
