I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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