Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Randomize
