Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
