You made me cry and you don't even care
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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