yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
