I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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