I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
