I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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