I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
