friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
