shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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