I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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