I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
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