The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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