I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
