mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Everyone says I win the strip club
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
