Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
