After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
