i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Randomize
