dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
