Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I smell like Dick and happiness
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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