Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
