I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
