We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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