I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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