I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
