Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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