Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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