so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
All the doctor said was why
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
