she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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