So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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