did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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