i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
