I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
they need to just BURY HIM!
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
