In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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