Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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