Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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