I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
