Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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