I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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