when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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