I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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