he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
