woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
