Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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