My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
