I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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